In our article “Equity Starts at Home”, we focus on our role as Dad’s in creating greater equity in the communities where we live.  Being a model for our kids around equity is also the same philosophy we use to discuss methods on how to raise charitable kids. 

What is Charity

Being born in the U.S. (and the west) inherently gives a child a leg up in certain areas.  This Mental Floss article discusses “How Rich the U.S. is Compared to the Rest of the World”.  It is sufficient to say that the U.S. is plenty rich.  Although that wealth is not distributed equally throughout the U.S. population, kids born in the U.S. have a financial advantage to most of the world simply by being born here. 

At the same time, the focus on wealth, fame and social status in the U.S. can distract us from the ultimate focus on doing good in the world.  This article will look at the role we play as parents in raising charitable kids.  What actions can we take to foster a home environment that will encourage our kids to leave the world a better place then they found it.  We often think of charity as financial, but it can come in so many ways.  At the end of the day charity could be through financial support, care, love, innovation, or any other action that delivers a net benefit to our world. 

How to Raise Charitable Kids

Make Compassion Part of Your Family’s North Star

In our article “Busy Lives and Building Margin For Your Family” we discuss creating concentric circles for your family.  The concentric circles create a roadmap for your family to determine what takes priority within your household.  Our family had to implement this guide during a period where we were passing around cold after cold (post COVID mask wearing years).  Even though we kept getting sick, we did not want to slow down. My wife and I found ourselves apologizing for getting sick.  Since we did not have the concentric circles at the time, our continued push (even when sick) just dug is in a longer and deeper rut.

We then put “Health” as one of our middle circle items, meaning that this took priority to the outer circle items.  Without a healthy family, we learned that we could not do a lot of the other things we desired to do (including benevolence).  Hence by focusing on health and ensuring we weren’t pushing to hard when one of us did get sick, we have landed on much more solid footing.  This enabled us to be more consistent with our other desires, as our priorities were better defined. 

Although not in our inner most circle, benevolence is in our next tier of priorities (with good friends and education).  This has put a greater focus on this with our family. This set a foundation with our kids. After our needs are met (health, social fulfillment, family, God) we then look to focus on benevolence/compassion as a north star to what we want to do as a family and in this world.  Building a concentric circle map for your family is key in setting your priorities.  This will give you a base of priorities that your kids can understand and you can follow to set a focus around compassion.

Create Gratitude within the Home 

Gratitude will start with you.  If you show your kids that you are grateful for the things you have (including them) it will model to them a theme of gratitude.  This is easier said that done, as western children are conditioned to want in our society.  I don’t know how many times we have lamented on our kids being ungrateful for the things they do have. They seem to complain about the things they perceive they do not have.  We certainly do not have the magic bullet around gratitude. That said, we have found that demonstrating our gratitude has translated to our kids identifying areas where they have abundance where others may not.

Fostering a home environment where gratitude is outwardly practiced will help your kids appreciate the things they do have (both tangible goods and intangible things like love, health, etc.).  One way to do this is to go around the table at dinner and talk about things you are all grateful for that day.  As your kids begin to appreciate the things they have, they will be better equipped to notice things others do not have (money, family support, friends, etc.). They can then better identify where goodwill is needed.

Live Life with a Bias for Action

Or more specifically, live life with a bias for action toward benevolence.  Having a “bias for action” does not simply mean the act of doing. Rather it is the practice of living with a disproportionate weight toward action.  I have found that in life having a bias for action if driven by good has rarely let me down.  I think it was Wayne Gretzky that said, “You miss 100% of the shots you don’t take.” 

In the theme of raising charitable kids, this would be filling a need when you see them.  If you see somebody without, having a bias for action would be to find a way to meeting that need.  This could be in the form of friendship, support, financial, emotional or otherwise.

Living a life with a bias for action around meeting needs, demonstrates to your children the importance of compassion.  Doing this without a recognition of it being unique or special, will show your kids that this is simply part of life.  Weaving this into your everyday actions, will model to them a lifestyle of seeing need and meeting those needs. 

Give, Save and Live Jars

There was a time when we implemented Give, Save and Live Jars with our kids.  These act as 3 banks in essence. The kids divide their money they “earned” between the jars.  The Give jar is for charitable giving (whatever form you decide that should take).  The Live jar is for fun things they want to spend their money on.  The Save jar is for their future (college, trade school, first car, etc.).  We didn’t want to make charity only about money so we have done away with this. However, I do think it has merit.  The Give, Save and Live jars are often referenced by our kids still and showed them that the money we get is not solely meant to serve us. 

Jesus and Benevolence

We are a faithful household. Some of the best examples of benevolence for our kids come from their bible stories.  Jesus modeled this for all of us. Introducing these stories to kids at a young age really resonate with their unbiased view of the world.  You may get questions about “why wouldn’t people not like tax collectors” or “why didn’t Jews like Samaritans”. This is simply because our young kids minds have not been corrupted by the world yet.  This innocence is awesome! These stories can reinforce what their mind is telling them that all people should be cared for and treated equally.  A faithful household has set a foundation for our family as we nurture compassionate hearts in our children.

Modeling thru the Hardships

Raising kids is hard!  Sometimes just surviving the day/week/month is the name of the game.  That said, creating an environment where charity is a focus within a household will be soaked up by your kids.  Raising a generation that values compassion will only make our society a better place and help create greater balance in the world.  Keep up the good fight parents. Don’t let the constant challenges of parenting knock you off this focus!