If you have read Modern Dad Survival in the past, you have seen our article about the criteria that makes a joke a Dad Joke. With that we offer, 25+ Dad Jokes on that article. We also have written about Halloween Knock-Knock jokes. We thought we would capitalize on the desire for more jokes, by providing jokes for other holidays.
Holiday Themed Dad Jokes
Some holidays (Halloween) lend themselves to better joke telling, while other holidays are in memorandum of something sentimental where jokes are not as appropriate. That said we will provide jokes for some major holidays so that you Dads can further embarrass your kids during family and friends get togethers.
New Year’s Jokes – 10 New Year’s Jokes
At 11:59pm on New Year’s Eve. Dad says “I promise not to make any more corny jokes for the rest of the year!”
Q: What do you say when you see someone after midnight on New Year’s Day? A: I haven’t seen you since last year!
Q: Did you see the story about the person that planned the Time’s Square New Year’s celebration this year? A; Apparently, they really dropped the ball.
Q: What New Year’s resolution should a basketball player never make? A: To travel more.
On New Year’s Day “I remember last year like it was yesterday!”
Q: New Year’s Eve is the one day a year 7 is scared of 9. Why? A: Because 9, 8, 7…
My New Year’s Resolution is to cancel the Gym Membership from last New Year’s.
I kept my New Year’s Resolution this year by tackling the Rockies… Next Year I am going to stay on Stallone films and try to tackle the Rambo’s.
I’m proud to announce I have stuck to my New Year’s Resolution and did not bite my nails the entire Year… My feet have never looked better.
I was going to quit all my bad habits for the new year… But nobody likes a quitter.
Valentine’s Day Jokes – 13 Valentine’s Day Jokes
Q: Who always has a date on Valentine’s Day? A: A calendar.
Q: What did one piece of toast say to the other? A: You’re my butter half!
Q: Why didn’t the two dogs make serious Valentine’s Day plans? A: It was just puppy love.
Q: Why did Dad approve of his daughter’s goalie-boyfriend? A: He was a keeper.
Q: How did the peanut tell the almond they were interested in them? A: I’m nuts about you.
Q: Where can you finds prunes on Valentine’s Day? On a date.
Q: Why does Dad have to avoid the police on Valentine’s Day? A: Because I have stolen a lot of hearts!
I bought Mom a new belt and bag for Valentine’s day…The vacuum works just fine now.
Loving you is like an old pair of dentures, because I can’t smile without you!
Q: How did the telephone propose to its girlfriend? A: He gave her a ring.
Q: What do you say to your single friends on Valentine’s Day? A: Happy Independence Day!
Q: What did the octopus say to his wife on Valentine’s Day? A: I want to hold your hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand.
Q: What did Jay-Z call his wife prior to being married? A: Feyonce.
Presidents Day Jokes – 21 Presidents Day Jokes
Q: How many of the President’s Cabinet members does it take to change a light bulb? A: None they are supposed to keep the President in the dark.
Q: What would you get if you crossed a gorilla with the 16th President of the United States? A: Ape Lincoln.
Q: Which one of George Washington’s aides had the best sense of humor? A: Laughayette
The CEO of IKEA was just elected president in Sweden… He should have his cabinet together by the end of the week.
The President and The Vice President go to a restaurant. The waiter asks the President what he’d like to order. “A steak”, he says. The waiter asks, “And the vegetable?” The President replies, “he’ll have steak too”.
My son was spending too much time playing computer games, so I said, “Son, when Abe Lincoln was your age, he was studying books by the light of the fireplace.” He considered this for a moment and replied: “When Abe Lincoln was your age he was The President of the United States.”
In order to become President of Russia you just have to Putin the work.
I thought about running for the President, but then I figured he should do his own exercise.
Canada has no president. False or Trudeau?
Q: What did they call George Washington’s false teeth? A: Presi-dentures.
Q: Why did George Washington have problems sleeping? A: Because he couldn’t lie.
Q: Name the rock group has four men but none of them sing? A: Mount Rushmore.
Q: What was the most popular dance in 1776? A: Indepen-dance.
Q: Why aren’t there many Civil War jokes? A: People General Lee don’t find them funny!
Q: How did George Washington describe things? A: In general terms.
Q: Why was George Washington always pictured standing up? A: Because he never lied.
Q: What did George Washington say to his men before crossing the Delaware? A: Get in the boat!
Q: What did the Stamp Act do? A: Helped the US lick the British.
Q: What kind of tea did the American colonists want? A: Libertea
Q: How was George Washington able to be so healthy? A: He had a strong constitution.
Q: What’s a Vice Presidents favorite type of math function? A: An Al Gore-ithm
Easter Jokes – 32 Easter Jokes
Q: Where do lambs keep their Easter eggs? A: In baaaaskets.
Q: What is blue and smells like pink dye? A: Blue dye
Q: What is the Easter Bunny’s favorite movie? A: One with a hoppy ending.
Q: Why do eggs go to college? A: To get egg-ducated.
Q: What did the Easter Egg ask for at the hair salon? A: A new dye job.
Q: What puts the Easter Bunny in a bad mood? A: A bad hare day.
Q: What kind of bunny does not hop? A: A Chocolate bunny.
Q: What are the most difficult beans for a farmer to grow? A: Jelly beans.
Q: How do you know where the Easter Bunny hid his treasure? A: Eggs marks the spot.
Q: What is a lamb’s favorite candy? A: A candy baaaaar.
Q: How does the Easter Bunny burn calories? A: Eggs-ercise
Knock Knock / Who’s There? / Egg / Egg who? / Aren’t you egg-cited it’s Easter!
Q: What does the Easter Bunny get for making a basket? A: 2 points.
Q: How do you know that carrots are good for our eyes? A: Have you ever seen a rabbit wearing glasses?
Q: What is the Easter Bunny’s favorite music? A: Hip-Hop
Q: Why shouldn’t you tell an Easter Egg jokes? A: Because it will crack them up.
Q: What is the Easter Bunny’s favorite sport? A: Basketball
Q: Why did the baby chick cross the road? A: To meet up with her Peeps.
Q: When is it okay to place all your eggs in one basket? A: On Easter!
Q: Why should you avoid showing Easter eggs scary movies? A: They are a little chicken!
Q: Who would lose in a fight: peeps or chocolate bunnies? A: Peeps, because they’re way too soft.
Q: Which college did the Easter bunny attend? A: John Hop-kins University
Q: What happens if you get married on Easter? A: You live hoppily ever after.
Q: How does Easter end? A: With an “R”!
Q: How can you make Easter easier? A: Put an “i” where the “t” is.
Q: What’s an Easter egg from outer space called? A: An egg-stra-terrestrial.
Q: How can you get to Easter brunch quicker? A: Use the eggs-press lane!
Q: When does Valentine’s Day come after Easter? A: In the dictionary!
Q: Why are people tired in April? A: Because they just got through with March.
Q: What is the Easter Bunny’s favorite restaurant? A: IHOP.
Q: What is a tired egg called? A: Eggs-hausted!
Q: What day of the week do Easter eggs hate the most? A: Fry-day.
Halloween Jokes – See our Article on Halloween Knock Knock Jokes.
Thanksgiving Jokes – 13 Thanksgiving Jokes
Q: What did the turkey say to the hunter on Thanksgiving? A: Quack
Q: What do you call a turkey the Friday after Thanksgiving? A: Lucky
Q: Why did the turkey cross the road twice? A: To prove it wasn’t chicken.
Q: What do sweet potatoes wear to bed? A: Yammies
Q: If fruit comes from fruit trees, where do turkeys come from? A: Poul-trees
Q: What do you call a pumpkin that helps you cross the road? A A crossing gourd.
Q: Why did corn get lost on its way to Thanksgiving? A: Because it got stuck in a maize.
Q: What did the Pilgrims use to make bread on Thanksgiving? A: May flour.
Q: What do you wear to Thanksgiving dinner? A: A har-vest.
Q: What kind of music did Pilgrims play at Thanksgiving? A: Plymouth rock.
Q: Why did the carrot blush? A: It saw the turkey dressing.
Q: What do turkeys say on Thanksgiving? A: Moo.
Q: Did you hear about the turkey who went to prison? A: It was arrested for fowl play.
Christmas Jokes – 10 Christmas Jokes
Q: When does Christmas come before Thanksgiving? A: When you’re looking at a dictionary.
Q: What did Adam say on the day before Christmas? A: It’s Christmas, Eve!
Q: What do you call a reindeer ghost? A: Cari-boo!
Q: What did the stamp say to the Christmas card? A: Stick with me and we’ll go places!
Q: How is Christmas exactly like your job? A: You do all the work and a big guy in a suit gets all the credit.
Q: What’s every parent’s favorite Christmas Carol? A: Silent Night.
Q: What do snowmen eat for breakfast? A: Frosted Flakes
Q: What is Frosty’s favorite treat? A: An ice crispy treat!
Q: What kind of motorcycle does Santa Claus have? A: Holly Davidson.
Q: How do you help someone who has lost their Christmas spirit? A: You nurse them back to Elf.
Happy Holidays
Dads, we hope these help you break the ice on the Holidays. Dad Jokes are always a good way to get the kids laughing. If not laughing they will be bonded in their embarrassment of you!